Before Josh and I ever got together God laid it on my heart to become a missionary. One of my journal entries I wrote in the fall of my junior year of college laid out the fact that I felt the calling clearly that this is what I was supposed to do and then wrote out what I thought God wanted for me in a husband. This was put on the back burner until August 2007 when Josh and I went on our first mission trip to Belize. Then after many years of praying we moved to Belize in 2012.
People would ask me all kinds of questions and I didn’t have the answers, I would just say this is where God wants us. I have no clue about much of anything but I know I will have electricity and a flush toilet and running water and I can figure out the rest. I left with a certainty that could not be shaken. God had this and I knew we had to go.
Then we got there…and everything I thought I knew wasn’t reality except that God wanted us there. But it was hard. I am a survivor so I dug my heals in and said this will work. With every step satan was there trying his hardest to get us to leave. Josh knew how hard and every few weeks would say, “honey just say the word and we can go back, it is ok.” and I would say no we have to stay, God wants us here. God then would show off and show us why we were there. We said we both with out a doubt had to feel it was time to leave.
Staying wasn’t easy. The hardest part was being on the sidelines. If you know me I am a doer. I love a great task and love to conquer it. My task in Belize was to cook, clean, take care of the children and to pray. For a task master it was the hardest part. My job was to pray for Josh as he went out to find new ministry partners, pray for teams coming, pray for the country and pray for guidance in what direction the ministry should take. So for 3 years I prayed and God showed up over and over. I could tell story after story of God’s goodness while in Belize but that would be a book. But more times than I want to admit I was in the bathroom balling my eyes out yelling at God why. Why do we have to stay, why do the bugs eat me constantly, why does my husband have to be gone all the time, why me etc. Every time he would say “because I want you here because I chose you. Why do you think your ways are better?”
What is God asking you to do right now? What step is he asking you to take no matter how hard?
My encouragement to those reading is that every season of life has a purpose. Every season God is sculpting you for the next one. God showed me in those 3 years to not be scared. To not be scared to tell of his goodness and how he is in the ruler over everything and if you follow him you will not be sorry. God loves me and he loves you. So share that with everyone you meet. I am on the other side and I can say how truly thankful I am for those 3 years.